Life for me has become a foggy haze. The world has become a smoke-filled room that has impaired all of my faculties. Moving through the mist, I’m just vapor, disturbing nothing as I move through the crowd. Everywhere I look, people are cloaked in a cloud, oblivious to me.

Head hung low, depression wracking my brain, fear in my heart, listless direction of my feet. People only know I exist when I bump into them. That’s a bad integration that you can safely bet on.

No one reaches out blindly into the billowy mass to stop me, no one sees the pain in my eyes when I show only an angry face to try and protect myself. Every chance they get, no matter what I say, I’m only pushed away.

If I did nothing, I would only be trod upon. I want to choose to stand up and be heard, to be counted as a pioneer for change, I speak my mind, passionately, people are scared away by my views and no [positive] change comes of my actions. So now, I speak my mind less, speak less when I do speak and therefor I leave no negative impact on people.

I’m just there, a wolf in sheeps clothing. Desperate to get out, to hunt, to be free, to be me but fear that if I reveal my true self to the other sheep, the keeps of the pen will move quickly to out me down, to protect their precious livestock. In reality, the pen is just a cage, and I’m a rat. No chance of getting out.

What do I do? I’m lost, drowning in my own sorrow for no reason (and not because I can) but because I know no other life. I have this illusion of happiness that I was taught as a child and feel like it’s an impossibly distant achievement always and perpetually out of reach.